What now?...

What now? I would imagine that's what the disciples asked each other as they sat in the upper room, too afraid to go out for fear of persecution. Their leader, teacher, master, the one they have been following for 3 years, the one they have given up their livelihood for, has just died. They don't know he will be back tomorrow. It's done. It's over. THAT'S IT! And they have nothing to show for it. Judas is gone, Peter is feeling like the biggest failure and worst friend and all of them most likely figure they will go back home in a week or so once things have calmed down. But for now...what?
Matt Maher (a catholic musician) has a beautiful reflection and meditation for each day of holy week, and especially for Holy Saturday. Take a listen, then read on. (Yeah this is the same video Megan posted on her blog.)

Honestly, Megan and I watched this video this morning (Holy Saturday) and we both were crying by the end of it. I couldn't help but listen to this and feel like we are stuck in Holy Saturday. Stuck not in a bad way, but here waiting in joyful hope for the coming of a child to our family.  Still, I feel that we don't know when (if) we will be able to have children and when the day does come that we are pregnant, I will be so scared/excited/fearful/joyful that I won't want to get my hopes up too high because I can't bear to be let down again.

But I know in my heart of hearts that, just as Jesus rose from the grave and conqured death, He will show us His grand plan and it will be more glorious than Megan or I could have planned. And the joy in our hearts will overflow more than we ever imagined.

But for now, we wait patiently. And taking time to wait, pray and contemplate is just as important as receiving the gift He will give...in His time.