Death by Insurance

So Megan and I have been trying to conceive for over a year and a half. It's been really hard, both emotionally and spiritually. We have been given a lot of hope by working with a doctor down in Peoria who practices Napro Technology. It is a way of looking at infertility from a woman's whole health standpoint - like having surgery to fix a problem instead of just putting a band-aid on the problem, like IVF tries to do. So part of treating the couple is looking at the men as well (which is something no other reproductive endocrinologists will do), and that means doing some testing and analyzing. But the frustrating thing for us now is that after I have my tests I'm supposed to go to a urologist for a consultation. The problem with that is that the urologist can't look at my tests and give me any advice or support because that is considered "infertility treatment" and insurance doesn't cover "infertility treatment". To my insurance: Yes it is treating our infertility but more importantly, it's treat my health!!! But that's not the worst part. Yeah it stinks that I need answers but no one can help me because it's not covered. No, the worst part is that my insurance will, at least partially cover if not completely pay for contraceptives and abortions. That's the kind of pessimistic society we have become. Rather than promoting life and health, the insurance companies will pay for death and pills which can actually cause infertility and other health problems. (Sounds like a really bad business move if I give you a pill and it causes you to have more serious health problems in the future so then I have to give out more money to pay for those hospital bills of yours...but I'm not in the insurance business.) It's all just...frustrating!!! There really is no denying that the cultural of death is at the forefront of America. And oh how we need to pray for change.

Physical (and Spiritual) Surgery

Just this past week I underwent surgery to remove the Pilonidal (pronounced pie-lon-i-dal) Disease from my rear. It's a terrible disease that is genetic and sits under the skin on the behind. It remains dormant until it becomes infected and while not life threatening, can be a real pain in the butt (pun intended). Mine had been infected for the past four months and looks somewhat like a boil. Kinda gross, I know. It was really uncomfortable and would often put me in a crummy mood and make me less charitable toward others. Anyway, I was put under and the doctor cut out the cysts and all roots and anything pertaining to the disease. He stitched up my gluteous with 10 stitches so now all I can do is stand, kneel or lay on my side or stomach. I would greatly appreciate some prayers for a quick healing because I also have to take some time off work, albeit against my will, because I can't sit.

Still, it has given me some time to think about how badly I needed this surgery and how we need spiritual surgery sometimes too. We need to purge ourselves of the bad habits, of the spiritual diseases that can slow us down or cause us to be less charitable. For me, Holy Week 2012 was that spiritual surgery. Truth be told, I didn't have the most spiritually advancing Lenten season. I got lazy with my sacrifices and even worse with my disciple to prayer. Still, I made new resolutions during Holy Week to really enter into the mystery of Christ's passion and death. And I felt like it worked, that sometimes we need to purge ourselves of...ourselves! Of those desires that bring us comfort, of the little things that cause us to hide in our daily routines, even of those things which may seem to bring us the most comfort but only hinder our spiritual growth. I was able to do that during Holy Week and now the Easter season is my joyful recovery of learning to live my life with the changes, all while I try to be joyful recovering from this surgery.

For obvious reasons, this post is one which lacks pictures. I would show you pictures butt...er...but that would be gross. So come on over and visit me and maybe I'll show you my stitches!

What now?...

What now? I would imagine that's what the disciples asked each other as they sat in the upper room, too afraid to go out for fear of persecution. Their leader, teacher, master, the one they have been following for 3 years, the one they have given up their livelihood for, has just died. They don't know he will be back tomorrow. It's done. It's over. THAT'S IT! And they have nothing to show for it. Judas is gone, Peter is feeling like the biggest failure and worst friend and all of them most likely figure they will go back home in a week or so once things have calmed down. But for now...what?
Matt Maher (a catholic musician) has a beautiful reflection and meditation for each day of holy week, and especially for Holy Saturday. Take a listen, then read on. (Yeah this is the same video Megan posted on her blog.)

Honestly, Megan and I watched this video this morning (Holy Saturday) and we both were crying by the end of it. I couldn't help but listen to this and feel like we are stuck in Holy Saturday. Stuck not in a bad way, but here waiting in joyful hope for the coming of a child to our family.  Still, I feel that we don't know when (if) we will be able to have children and when the day does come that we are pregnant, I will be so scared/excited/fearful/joyful that I won't want to get my hopes up too high because I can't bear to be let down again.

But I know in my heart of hearts that, just as Jesus rose from the grave and conqured death, He will show us His grand plan and it will be more glorious than Megan or I could have planned. And the joy in our hearts will overflow more than we ever imagined.

But for now, we wait patiently. And taking time to wait, pray and contemplate is just as important as receiving the gift He will give...in His time.

Good Friday Musical Reflection

So I'm stuck at work today, which really stinks. I mean its Good Friday and the day when Passover starts so...I'm not going to get calls from Christians and the Jews are beginning their holy day as well so who really needs me here today? But I digress, I have to be here because someone from our department needs to represent and its just a small cross that I must carry. This small cross is preventing me from venerating the cross, His cross, and while I want with all my being to go and worship today with my parish I know the Lord sees my sacrifice and appreciates it.  (After all, since work is slow he has allowed me to publish this post) He also allows me to listen to music and while I haven't been listening to music this week in preparation for the Triduum I did allow myself a few songs which help me to meditate on Christ's suffer and death, and ultimately the joy of his resurrection. Here are my favorites for Good Friday. I especially like the one for the crucifixion. Again, both of these songs are by Danielle Rose.
Enjoy!

Crowning with Thorns

Crucifixion

I hope you have a most solemn Good Friday.

Holy Thursday Reflection

I realize I am a bit late in posting this but just as I was about to hit publish the power went out at our house yesterday which effectively told me, "Kevin, I don't want you to post this now. Spend some quiet time with me instead". So here is a simple Holy Thursday reflection:

First, let me highly recommend the reflection which Fr. Faulkner has given us. You can find them on his blog linked on the left side of this post. All of them are excellent (I believe).


Second, let me recommend for this holy week reflecting on the mysteries of the rosary and, in particular, the songs wrote by Danielle Rose, a catholic artist commissioned by JPII to write these mystery reflections. Here are my two favorite for Holy Thursday. I would say, if you have the means, that you should support her and buy this cd as it is oh so beautiful!

The Institution of the Eucharist
A Love Song From Jesus
The Agony in the Garden

I hope you have a most blessed Holy Thursday.

Italian Food & Beautiful Women

On Sunday Megan and I cashed in on our Christmas gift from Aunt Jane, we went to lunch at Maggiano's. Oh what a lunch it was. Not only did I have good food - you can get 2 full pasta meals (1 to eat now and 1 to take home with you) for just $13 but I got to enjoy the company of two beautiful women! I am such a lucky guy.

A Lot of...Fun!

Okay so here is what you've missed. This will be a two part post. This first part is all the fun we've had the past few months. I've told you about a few of them and here are a few more.

1. This is quite possibly one of the funniest videos of my sweet goddaughter Madelyn. Maybe she will be a track star?

2. Megan and I went downtown for New Years Eve. We had a great time walking around downtown Chicago and, as you can see, even enjoy "the bean" at Millennium Park. Carefree timelessness really is the best thing sometimes!

3. My godson, Matthew, turned 3 just after Christmas. We celebrated his birthday on New Year. He got some pretty sweet gifts including a Mass Bag from his Aunt Megan and Uncle Kevin. The Bag included a new bible, some books on the saints, saint cards on a ring, a missal with the new translation and other quiet activities during mass. He is a pretty cute young man...er I mean handsome! 

4. At the end of January we had some forced family fun (FFF) with the Johnsons. We went down to the Bulls game. Unfortunately Kyle was out of town, but we still had a good time. The Bulls dominated, as usual and Erin even made a "new friend".

5. Megan and I got to babysit our niece and nephew one night. I played Wii with Jacob all night, who is surprisingly good at the Wii Sports Resort games, and Megan got to play around with Madelyn. While the two siblings love each other Maddy can be a real punk sometimes. Example: Jacob was his usual self jumping from one couch to the other and bouncing off the walls when Madelyn kept wanting to "play", although it looked more like getting in his way. Each time we asked Jacob to play somewhere else she would follow him and get in his way again...gotta love a little sister!

 6. Our good friends Tom and Kristin Spoden brought a beautiful miracle into the world, Alexis Marie Spoden. We had the pleasure of visiting her in the hospital a day after she was born. Here are a couple of pictures of the cutie!

7. Just a couple of weeks ago Matthew, Jeff, my dad and myself went downtown Chicago to two job sites Leopardo Construction is working on. Matthew had such a GREAT time seeing all the machines doing their work. He even got to sit in one of the bobcats and did a little clean up work himself. But the best part of the trip downtown happened on our walk back to the car when I had Matthew on my shoulders. He tightened his legs around my neck and fell on the top of my head, wrapping his arms around my face and he said, "Uncle Kevin. I love you". It was the sweetest moment we've had.

8. Finally, just this past weekend Megan and I went to a wine tasting in Wheaton. Our friend, Brian, bought a wine tasting for 10 people at a charity auction and we were able to enjoy some tasty wine and the company of good friends. And good friends are such a beautiful thing!

Refresh

I felt after 2.5 years of the same old layout, the same old background that I needed to refresh. I needed a new look. Just as Holy Week can break about a new outlook on certain aspects in life, how it can refresh your lent, that's what I have here. A lot of it is the same, just moved around. I am still tweaking it but I'll have it finished (with a brand new post of our happenings) very soon! I promise. Have a most blessed Holy Week and behold you are about to experience the single greatest event in the history of the world! I pray that you may be changed by it.